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Jokes

Where is your wife?

Hey check this one A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final. He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat between himself & the next guy. MAN: “who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?” GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. …

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Hypothetically and Realistically??

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically… so he asked his dad. His dad said, “Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000. He went and asked …

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Ex husband and Ex Wife

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to showfor it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your …

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Today is Fine Day!

Husband to Wife :- Today is a fine day. Next day he says :- Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband :- Since last one week, you …

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Tit for tat

Once, there was a queen with the best tits in the world, it’s just perfect. The horny servant Jack will dream about touching them all day, but he dare not as he fear the consequences. One day, unable to stand the urge any longer, he sought the imperial doctor, John, …

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What is the best?

In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the Cleavage! ******************************** Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity…..don’t screw the opportunity! ******************************** Define contraceptive pill? It’s the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy! ******************************** …

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I got F in sex

My neighbor, a 9 year old girl was showing off her ID card to me. She showed it off by saying,”See that’s my hair color,my eye color and my weight” and then she was like ” I only got an F in sex but that’s okay I’m not supposed to …

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Appointment with gynecologist

A husband and wife were going to bed together. When the husband taps the wife on the shoulder and says honey what about some sex? Wife says i cant i got a gynecologist appointment in the morning. Husband says ok and turn back to sleep. Then he has an idea …

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Get the Point

An 80 year old went to the clinic and started boasting to the doctor how he made his 20 year old mistress pregnant. The doctor thought about it and said: “Let me tell you a story. There was once an excellent hunter. He never misses a season. One day he …

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Drop my daughter at home

Employee : Sir, you called me? Boss : Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate. Employee : (After few mins) ,done sir Boss : Do it again. Employee : Done again, sir. Boss : Do it once more Employee : Now I don’t have stamina for it, sir. Boss : …

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Bad and very bad news

Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient : 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be …

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Little bird

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?” “A bird,” the guy …

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I’ll do the dishes

John really wanted to buy a motorcycle. He had been searching nearly every day, with no luck (he’s quite picky). One day he comes across a mint looking Harley with a ‘For Sale’ sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one even though it’s 10 years …

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Best Teacher

A Good Teacher Is one Who Tells To Study Hard… But the Best Teacher Is the one Who Stands Outside Examination Hall N Shouts. . . . “HIDE ALL YOUR CHEATS AND GUESS PAPER ASAP, HEAD OF EXAM CONTROLLER IS ON THE WAY”

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Dont start that shit again

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the …

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We would be alive

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second. “I froze to death,” says the second. “That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first. “It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and …

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Intelligence of Nepalese

Indian: can You swim ? Nepalese: No! Indian: Dog is better than you because it swims. Nepalese : Can you swim ? Indian: Yes! Nepalese: Then whats the difference between you and dog? lol

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